Seven Secrets of Resilience for Parents by Andrew D. Wittman

Author:Andrew D. Wittman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2018-08-16T18:09:37+00:00

SECRET 4 – MOTIVATIONAL INTELLIGENCE

CHAPTER 8 – Approach or Avoid

Is your child a rule-follower or a rule-breaker? I have found that most rule-followers are the oldest, and the second child tends to be on the other end of the scale. My good friends, Doug and Beth, have two daughters, Ally, six years old and a rule-follower, and Molly, three years old and a rule breaker. Both girls are the sweetest, most loving kids, and so well-behaved that people like to be around them.

However, when it comes to things like brushing their teeth, with Ally, that chore was never a fuss. She just did it because brushing teeth was one of the rules. With Molly, no such luck. As she started to get teeth, she didn’t much like having to clean them. And if her parents even mentioned consequences, she doubled-down in her refusal, assumed the duck-and-cover position on the floor, and clamped her mouth shut with no chance of a toothbrush getting near her teeth. Her dad came up with a way to get her to approach brushing her teeth instead of avoiding the task.

One of Molly’s favorite animals is the tiger. One night, while getting ready for bed, after a day trip to the zoo and seeing the lions and tigers, Doug told Molly how the zookeepers had to brush the lions’ and tigers’ teeth. But before they did, they had to get them to smile (accidentally on purpose omitting the part about tranquilizing them first). As Doug and his daughter approached the bathroom for the dreaded brushing of the teeth, he asked her, “Molly, are you a lion or a tiger?”

“I’m a tiger, Daddy!”

“Oh good,” he said. “Can I hear your tiger roar, little tiger?” Her face lit up, and she proudly let out a very impressive roar for such a little thing.

“You like my roar, Daddy?” she asked.

“Yes! You have a great roar, Molly. Very impressive!” he said, clapping. Molly’s smile beamed from ear to ear.

“Hey, Molly, can I see your tiger teeth?” She of course obliged by displaying them proudly.

“Daddy, you like my tiger teeth?” she asked.

“Yes, Molly. You have great tiger teeth. But they look a little dirty. Can we clean them?” he asked, waiting for her reply, determined not to talk first. Those few seconds seemed like an eternity to Doug. And then, still smiling, Molly nodded in approval, and her teeth were brushed. As time went on, there were a few struggles with the task, but those were quickly overcome with mom or dad saying, “Hey, Molly, show me your tiger teeth!”

One of the great stressors of parenthood is motivating your child to approach those things that nurture growth and development, instead of avoiding those things. For some, it is the stress of daily oral hygiene on toddlers. For others, it is eating vegetables and healthful foods. For others, it is reading or physical activities, and on and on. It is incredible how those stressors are reduced simply by understanding how to motivate your child.

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